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Charlotte’s Diary

37.

Friday April 15th, 1887.
Take baby to Mary Phelon’s as yesterday,
during school. Lesson to Elija Baily
$6.00 at 4. Get $6.00. Go home to tea with
Mrs. Simmons. Same lends me a lot
of books – Jim comes home with me.

Sat – April 16th 1887.
Lesson to Emily, Walk down st. Shop,
getting shoes, $3.00 down, 3 more due;
bonnet – 75 cts; elastic & lining 13;.cambric
and Silesia for new dress 73. Carfare 6.
Home. Mother goes down st.

Sun. April 17th, 1887.
Walter takes baby to ride and I come
over here and clean up as I have
managed to every day. Then he comes
here, send him off with bag for
mother. Follow. Meet- Anna &
Aunt C. and find Julia Jastram
and little Julia Edward Brown
and Miss Pease. All go dinner.
Mend Walter’s overcoat lining. Mrs. Allen
in to see about dress.

Mon. April 18th, 1887.
Take baby to Mrs. Vaughns during school.
Back very tired. Eggnogg. Doze. Drive.
Come over home, and am there
now. Have made bed, made
fire, washed dishes, written two
notes. Am very tired.

38.

I have kept a journal since
I was fifteen, the only blanks
being in these last years of
sickness and pain. I have
done it because it was useful.
Now I am to go away for my
health, and shall not try
to take any responsibilities with
me. Even this old friend.
I am very sick with nervous
prostration, and I think
with some brain disease
as well. No one can ever
know what I have suffered
in these last five years.
Pain pain pain, till my
mind has given way.
O blind and cruel! Can
Love hurt like this?
You found me- you
remember what
I leave you – O remember
what, and learn to doubt
your judgment- before it
seeks to mould another
life as it has mine.
I asked you a few days
only before our marriage
if you would take the
responsibility entirely on

39.

yourself. You said yes.
Bear it then.

Tues. April 19th. 1887
Snowed yesterday. Cold night. Wintry
this morning. Another letter from
Mrs. Cresson. Take baby to Mary’s. Back
and lunch. Come over home. Doors
locked. No key to be found. Struggle in
at bay window with much effort.
Clean up and write here. Began to
write an account of myself for the
doctor.


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